10 Tips for Gifted Allies

Whether you identify as gifted or not, you almost definitely have people in your life who are gifted. If you’re curious about how you can be a better ally to these neurodivergent individuals, consider these 9 tips:

1. Own Your Shadow
   Gifted people often find that their way of being elicits accusations of hostility, arrogance, and attempts at outshining others just for being themselves. Tackling one’s emotional wounds, insecurities, and prejudices is not work that is accomplished in a one-time moment of revelation, however. An ongoing commitment to confronting yourself and identifying where you can grow emotionally is key.
   

2. Get Excited About YOU
   It can be hard to hold space for another’s flourishing when we don’t feel truly good about ourselves. Spend time identifying your unique strengths and what makes you feel good about yourself. If you’d like to have more items on this list, consider areas where you might embrace greater personal authenticity and detach from who you think the world needs you to be.
   

3. Grasp Multiplicity
   Gifted people differ substantially from one another and, like anyone, possess both strengths and weaknesses. For example, high intellectual ability does not always co-occur with high emotional intelligence. Approach gifted people as individuals, allowing for them to co-exist with you as complex humans rather than pedestalizing or pathologizing them.
   

4. Lead With Curiosity
   It is not your job to “figure someone out” or profess knowledge of their inner experience when you or others feel bewildered by them. When you don’t know something that you need to know about a person, simply ask them. Static frameworks drawn from the field of “cultural competency” fail when they turn individuals into objects of expertise rather than humans whose unique presence can broaden your understanding of the world and its many inhabitants.
   

5. Name Your Needs
   Would you benefit from an individual presenting information differently (e.g., more slowly, broken into parts, or using different language)? If so, simply say this. Assuming that someone uses large words or a more complicated sentence structure because they are being haughty or evasive is often incorrect. What you may have encountered is a gifted person who is just trying to express their thoughts in a way that feels natural and accurate to them. In other words, it likely has nothing to do with you!
   

6. Articulate Your Limits
   If you are engaging with a gifted person whose standards seem way too high for you to meet, honor yourself and the relationship by owning your experience, naming the misalignment, and communicating your limits.
   

7. Redefine Worth
   Many gifted people feel objectified by others who see their gifts as raw material to mine in the service of societal progress, wealth, or even to bolster their own self-esteem. Realize that the gifted person’s worth is unrelated to their willingness or ability to use their gifts to satisfy others’ visions, expectations, and needs. Life is never wasted.
   

8. Rethink Reality
   A gifted person’s speed of processing or other atypical ability isn’t a deception, joke, or magic trick. If you see someone exhibiting abilities that shock or confound you, though you may feel awe or disbelief, try to exude humanizing regard and compassionate curiosity. Further, consider whether you need to broaden your understanding of reality to account for what you are learning through the humans you encounter.
   

9. Recognize + Use Your Positionality
   Do you operate in contexts in which you can help make room for someone, name an unspoken truth that can drive inclusivity, or ask a clarifying question that can foster mutual understanding? Be on the lookout for these opportunities and cultivate the courage to seize them.
   

10. Share What You Know
    Consider what you can do to raise awareness about the gifted rainbow including sharing this resource. Are there people in your circle who could benefit from reading it?
    

*This resource was inspired by an Our Wild Minds Community brainstorm.

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To get a beautiful, printable version of this complete with citations and a boatload of other resources, grab a copy of my 45-page guide, Tasting the Gifted Rainbow!